Disclaimers

I am not a licensed psychologist, therapist, or other healthcare professional. My expertise comes from my lived experiences. What I share on secularandcentered.com does not replace the care of mental health professionals, and it represents my experiences and opinions.

Please note that I can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, and any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use, of the information available on Secular and Centered. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended this website.

Please note that I don’t make any guarantees about the results of the information applied in Secular and Centered. I share educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in re-centering your life after experiencing intimate betrayal trauma. You need to know that your ultimate success or failure will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond my knowledge and control.

You can take multiple paths

Much of what I share here includes my opinions about the best actions to take in the wake of discovering your partner has hidden a porn or sex addiction from you, but please know that the solutions I present are what have worked best for me. Your mileage may vary; what works for me may not work for you, and that’s OK. It is not my way or the highway. Please take and use the content that is pertinent, helpful and applicable for you, but know that you can mix and match tactics or find another path entirely that more closely aligns with your needs.

The language I use

Because my experience is with a male porn/sex addict, I usually frame my writing and opinions from the perspective of being a cis-hetero woman in a monogamous relationship with a cis-hetero man with a porn addiction. I will often use he/him to represent the PA (porn addict) and she/her to represent the BP (betrayed partner).

Any person of any sex, gender, sexual orientation or relationship status can develop a porn or sex addiction, or be impacted by their partner’s unhealthy relationship with porn. The pronouns I use here reflect my experience, but may not mirror yours. Please substitute the appropriate pronoun(s) if the pronouns I use do not fit your situation.

Attitudes

All persons are worthy of dignity and respect, without regard for their sex, gender, sexual orientation, relationship status or composition, mental health status, or career. While this blog is oriented to the partners of sex and porn addicts, it is an inclusive space.

I write posts with consideration of the dignity and compassion due all persons, including those who are struggling with addiction and the sex workers who produce content. When interacting with this blog, please keep this attitude in mind. Thank you!