About

If you are here because your partner has an unhealthy relationship with porn, or if you’ve experienced intimate partner betrayal due to your partner’s porn addiction, I’m here to hold your hand as you walk the path toward healing. I am dedicated to sharing non-religious resources to help you empower yourself and live your best life!

• What to do when you can’t deal with your partner’s porn addiction anymoreFebruary 7, 2023
  Your significant other knows you don’t like him using porn, Only Fans, thirst traps on social media, dating sites, escort pages – but he doesn’t seem to care. You’ve been told, “It’s normal,” “All men do it,” or that you’re controlling, insecure, and jealous. But you’ve had enough. You’ve hit rock bottom. You can’t deal with the lies and the disregard for your feelings anymore. What now?
• Things to do when you’re feeling intense and rawJanuary 24, 2023
  When you’ve just discovered your partner has been lying to you about their porn or sex addiction – this discovery is often called “d-day” – you’re likely to feel intensely hurt, angry, or sad. These extremely raw feelings can be tough to regulate in the moment. I remember, especially in the first six to nine months after d-day, that these feelings would flare up like a wildfire, and they often felt equally hard to contain. Sometimes I was in such high emotion that I felt crazy. It doesn’t happen as often for me now that I have some healing under… Read more: Things to do when you’re feeling intense and raw
• My intimate betrayal trauma story, annotatedJanuary 22, 2023
  Have your partner’s porn habits caused you to believe you’ll never feel good or happy or whole or enough? I want to take your hand for this journey you’re embarking on and show you that you can feel good and happy and whole and enough again, regardless of whether or not your partner admits they have an addiction or is willing to address the issue actively. My d-day (discovery day, which set me down this path) was in January 2020. My husband (let’s call him Alex) and I had been married for five years and together for eight. It was… Read more: My intimate betrayal trauma story, annotated
• What brought us here?January 22, 2023
  What brought me here Two years ago, I walked in on my husband watching pornography, years after he’d explicitly agreed not to use porn any more. I’d told him multiple times that his porn usage made me feel less-than; each time we talked about it, he agreed to stop using porn. The discovery that he’d been lying to me for the entirety of the time I’d known him was the most damaging thing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to talk to. I felt lost and completely alone. Obviously, I needed to do something different than… Read more: What brought us here?
• Ground rules for Secular and CenteredJanuary 21, 2023
  Disclaimers I am not a licensed psychologist, therapist, or other healthcare professional. My expertise comes from my lived experiences. What I share on secularandcentered.com does not replace the care of mental health professionals, and it represents my experiences and opinions. Please note that I can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, and any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use, of the information available on Secular and Centered. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended this website. Please… Read more: Ground rules for Secular and Centered

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